Life, Loss, and What Comes Next

It’s been a while. Over a year, actually. I didn’t mean to go quiet for this long, but, well... life happened.

The past few years have been a whirlwind, pulling me in all sorts of directions and keeping me way busier than I ever imagined. Some of it’s been beautiful, some of it heavy, and some of it, well, personal. I’m not one to share much about my private life online, especially not these days, but let’s just say a lot’s been happening.

I know a lot of you, especially those in Ocean Palace, have been wondering where I disappeared to. Saying ‘I’ve been busy’ doesn't feel honest. It wouldn’t explain the silence or the unanswered messages, especially when I was still popping up on Twitter. Truth is, life got messy, overwhelming, and a little too real. It pulled me into a space where I just couldn’t bring myself to share, at least not in the way I used to. But the best thing I can do now is be real about it.

A few years back, I lost my mom. It was sudden, unexpected, one of those moments that turns your whole world upside down in an instant. She was healthy, full of life, but her time was stolen far too soon. And just as I was beginning to adjust to life without her, about a year later, I lost an old school friend. That loss hit me hard, harder than I expected. It felt like life kept throwing heartbreak after heartbreak my way, leaving me struggling to find balance. It was a harsh reminder of just how fragile and unpredictable life really is. For a while, I felt like I was just drifting, carrying all this pain and not really knowing what to do with it.

On top of everything, I noticed I’d lost weight without even trying. The stress seemed to drain all my energy, and I wasn’t eating properly. It didn’t last long, thankfully, but it was enough to make me realize I needed to reset.

Staying in one place, stuck in my thoughts, wasn’t doing me any favors. I often found myself thinking about how important it is to stay connected with the people who truly matter, and I couldn’t shake that feeling. So, I made some changes. I got out, traveled, spent time with family, and reconnected with old friends I hadn’t seen in what felt like forever. Life sometimes moves so fast that suddenly, years go by and you wonder how you lost touch with the people you care about. It felt like the right time to change that and get back to what really matters.

Around this time, I picked up kickboxing — something I never expected to love as much as I do now. My family had been into it for years, always nudging me to give it a go. I finally gave in, and I’m so glad I did. I’ve never been one to sit around all day (honestly, I can’t stand it). Staying active has always been my thing — I’ve been jumping rope since my teens — but I wanted something new, something that would push me both physically and mentally.

Turns out, kickboxing was exactly what I needed. It became my escape — a way to channel emotions I didn’t know how to express, let go of everything weighing me down, and just feel strong. There’s something about throwing punches, whether at a bag or just the air, that’s incredibly therapeutic. It clears my mind, lifts my mood, and honestly makes me feel empowered and unstoppable.

It’s just a casual hobby, but man, it’s had such a profound impact on me. I look so different, feel so different, am different — so much better than I did a few years ago. I’ve grown into a better version of myself, inside and out. My confidence, my energy, my mindset — it’s all shifted, and I absolutely love how my body looks and feels now more than ever. Kickboxing has truly changed me, and I’m gonna stick with it alongside my other workouts for years to come

So yeah, life’s been pretty chaotic, with all its ups and downs, but there’s also been beauty in the quiet moments, those pauses between the chaos.

I know I haven’t been around much in Ocean Palace and on Discord. My Twitter over the last few years might’ve made it seem like everything was fine, but honestly, there were times when I thought about stepping away from that too.

Ever since 2009 ended, I’ve never truly felt at home online. The internet, and the world itself, just don’t feel the same anymore. There was a time when everything felt exciting, when being online had this warmth and magic to it. Those early 2000s vibes? Unmatched.

What once felt exciting and full of life has turned into something darker and unsettling. Online culture has shifted so drastically, and society feels unrecognizable — and not in a good way. It’s lost all its warmth and authenticity. Back in the Y2K days, things were different. People were more affable, laid-back, just enjoying the moment without the constant tension and division that seems to be everywhere now. There was a simplicity, a sense of wonder, an easygoing charm that made the world, and the internet, feel genuinely inviting. But somewhere along the way, that feeling faded.

Now, everything feels colder, more chaotic, disconnected in a way that’s hard to shake. It’s like both the internet and the world lost their soul, replaced by division, chaos, and an eerie sense of detachment. That shift feels irreversible, and it makes me miss the Y2K days more than ever, when everything felt simpler, warmer, and honestly, just way better.

I stayed on Twitter, not for attention, but for the impact. The messages I received, the people who found meaning in my words — that’s what made it worthwhile. Every now and then, I’d hear from someone, even in the gaming industry, telling me how much my words resonated with them. Those moments? They’re what gave Twitter real value for me, what made it feel like one of the few online spaces still worth holding onto.

Twitter and my blog have become the main ways for my friends and people I’ve connected with across different communities to keep up with my life. I know they visit both pretty often, and since not everyone in my life is part of Ocean Palace, I feel it’s important to share personal updates outside just that space. Even if my Twitter account ever disappears for some reason, my blog will always be here as a reliable place for sharing my thoughts and updates.

I know many of you have sent me messages over the years that I haven’t responded to, some I haven’t even had the chance to read. That’s been weighing on me for a while now. I hate the thought of anyone feeling ignored or unimportant, but honestly, I’ve just been so overwhelmed. Life's been throwing everything at me all at once, and as much as I wanted to reply, I just didn’t have the energy.

For a long time, I worried that any explanation I gave might sound like an excuse, but I realized the best thing I could do was just be real about everything that’s been happening. I hope you understand. It was never about pushing anyone away. Life's just been… a lot.

On a lighter note, I’ve seen the Sonic Unleashed PC port and mods; you guys have been hitting me up about it non-stop, and I appreciate it! They’re amazing. Some of these mods have really hit me with a wave of nostalgia. The Sonic modding scene never fails to impress, but I just haven’t had the time to dive in as much as I’d like.

I’ve got so much I want to do; personal projects, Marble Blast stuff, finally setting up the PC my sister gifted me ages ago, and playing the Halo 2 E3 demo I’ve been dreaming of experiencing since 2004. I can’t wait to jump in and share my thoughts with you when I do.

So here I am, more than a year later, finally taking a moment to catch up. It’s been way too long, and I’ve missed this space. I’ve missed connecting with all of you. In the weeks ahead, I’m planning to be around more; hanging out in Ocean Palace, finally catching up on all the messages I’ve been meaning to reply to, and just being present again 🦋

Life’s still pretty busy, especially with summer right around the corner. I’ll be out more, hanging with friends, soaking up the season. But I’m hoping things slow down in the next couple of months, and when they do, I’ll be around more, sharing stories, thoughts, and whatever else is on my mind

The world feels so different now — chaotic, overwhelming, disheartening, and honestly, just… awful. But if anything, it’s only made me appreciate how lucky I am to have lived through the early 2000s and to have built something like Ocean Palace that’s still standing strong. It’s like a piece of the Y2K era frozen in time, a little corner of the internet that still feels like home, no matter how much everything else changes

I can’t even begin to express how grateful I am for the amazing friends in my life, and to everyone in Ocean Palace who’s been part of this journey from the start — you have no idea how much you mean to me

Each new day is an opportunity to move forward and thrive, and I’m constantly reminded of that through the love and support around me. Life is a gift — one I owe entirely to God’s grace. Looking back on everything since childhood — every moment, every joy, every challenge — I see His hand in it all, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

Thanks for reading, for sticking around, for everything. It means more to me than you know

Catch you soon! x